


Of Course Not

by maebethistime



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-15
Updated: 2012-09-15
Packaged: 2017-11-14 06:46:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/512452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maebethistime/pseuds/maebethistime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ichigo has lost his shinigami powers and with that he's lost Rukia. "...Don't you miss her?" "Of course not."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ichigo

Kurosaki Ichigo.

Age 17.

Occupation: High school student

He cannot see ghosts.

He has no shinigami powers.

And he will never see Rukia again.

"KUROSAKI - KUUUUN!"

Ichigo turned around to see Inoue flying down the school hallway at him, her arms spread wide, causing various amounts of students to dive out of her path in fear. She skidded to a halt in front of Ichigo and smiled up at him.

"How are you today?" she asked. "Did you have a good lunch?"

Ichigo shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"It was fine." Except for Keigo, talking about things he didn't want to hear about. Things. Her. "We have class now right?"

Inoue nodded. "After school, I have sewing club with Ishida-kun! You should join the club!"

"No thanks," Ichigo answered, a strange picture of Inoue sewing a dress on Ishida popping into his head. "I'm not really a sewing person."

Ichigo walked with her to class, listening to her chatter. But even when class started, his mind was far away. The afternoon was muggy outside, and the humidity affected the inside of the classroom too, prickling under his skin. He zoned out, resting his head on his hand and staring out the windows.

She had climbed through those windows once, he remembered. After Soul Society, after he hadn't seen her for a while. She'd kicked him in the face.

He frowned, tallying up in his head all the times she had punched or kicked or otherwise abused him. What a ridiculously high number! What a ridiculous relationship!

"...Don't you miss her?"

"Of course not."

Of course not? Bullshit. He missed her.

He missed her.

How could he not miss her? He wouldn't even care if she kicked him in the face again if she'd just show up in that window...

Ichigo rubbed his hand across his forehead, anger swelling up inside him. Stupid! What use were thoughts like that?

She was a shinigami, and he wasn't anymore. He couldn't see her, couldn't talk to her, couldn't...whatever.

Pointless.

"Stupid, Keigo!" Ichigo mumbled, staring out his bedroom window. Even after he got home, (saving some random guy's backpack on the way) that conversation was still ricocheting around in his head.

He thought back to when he had last seen her, 17 months ago, right after he had woken up. Five minutes awake and already her presence had started fading. All because of his powerlessness.

"Don't look so sad," she'd said. "Even if you can't see me, I can still see you."

"What a stupid thing to say!" Ichigo yelled, chucking his pillow across the room. "Do you mean you're going to spy on me while I'm changing or something? Pervert! Stupid, Rukia!"

Rukia.

He recoiled slightly, staring at the pillow lying on the floor. It had been a while since he'd said her name aloud. He'd heard others say it every once in a while, like today, but it tasted different when he said it.

"This is goodbye, Ichigo."

"So it seems."

He could still see her face in that last moment, when they'd just been standing there, looking at each other, as she faded. There's been something there, in her expression, something that made him want to...

He'd wanted to kiss her.

If he thought about it, he could remember that he'd tried to in that last second. He'd leaned forward, just a tiny bit, just enough to close the distance, but she was already gone.

"Damn it."

He slouched over, staring at his empty hands and the cracked wooden floor beneath them. What a stupid time to realize that now. What a stupid time to remember that in her face he'd seen that she wanted him to kiss her.

Ichigo closed his eyes, feeling out with whatever senses he had left. Come on! Was it really all gone? She could be standing right next to him this second.

"Rukia?"

No.

His shinigami powers were gone forever.

And so was she.


	2. Rukia

Kuchiki Rukia.

Age: way older than she looks.

Occupation: Shinigami

Ichigo can't see her anymore.

It doesn't matter to her.

Of course not.

Rukia perched on top of a hydro pole, gazing down at the familiar street below her. Karakura Town. It had been a long time since she had been here. 17 months, to be exact. Of course, she wasn't keeping count or anything.

"Afro-san is going on vacation," the order had explained to her. "We just need you to take over your old post in Karakura Town for a little while until he comes back."

Vacation? Rukia fumed secretly, glaring at the pavement far below her. Shinigamis weren't supposed to go on vacation! What did they think this job was? A joyride?

A door opened to one of the houses, and Rukia's eyes zoomed over. She watched as a boy wearing a uniform walked out, slamming the door behind him. A boy with orange, spiky hair.

An ache hit her body and she had to cling to the hydro pole to stay on it. What was that? She was a shinigami, not a human. It shouldn't matter to her so much that it was him. Him.

She was only here to do a job. Once her time was up, she would leave and never come back. This town wasn't good for her. It held way too many memories.

She turned her back on the boy in the street and shot out across the rooftops.

It didn't take long for her to receive a Hollow alert. She dispatched with it quickly, slicing almost lazily through it's head, but her mind was elsewhere. Every street corner and trash can and lamp post reminded her of other times she had been here with him.

Like when he almost died trying to stop Renji and Byakuya-aniki from taking her away.

And that made her think of when he had come to rescue her in Soul Society. She remembered arguing with him on that bridge when he'd first shown up. She had yelled at him for trying to save her and he had told her that she should just shiver in the corner like a proper victim.

Rukia frowned, recalling all the times they had argued over ridiculous things. Stupid boy. Stupid her, for thinking about this!

It was stupid. But she missed him.

She missed him.

It didn't make sense, but she couldn't help it. She caught herself waking up in Soul Society expecting to be in his closet, able to just open the door and see him. She'd only seen the back of his head today, but she wished more than anything that he could've turned and seen her standing there...

Rukia sheathed her sword with more force than necessary, springing into the air and running without a direction in mind, trying to push her thoughts out of her head. What did it matter now?

They were two different things now. He couldn't see her. Shinigami didn't need emotions like this. They were unnecessary.

Pointless.

But she could still see his face from 17 months ago, right after he'd woken up. He'd looked at her and Rukia had seen the realization in his face that soon she would be gone for him. And his eyes...Ichigo had always looked determined, even when he was up against powers he didn't even understand. But then, he had just looked sad.

Ichigo.

The name reverberated around in her head and her footsteps faltered for a moment. For some reason, she hadn't even allowed herself to think that name for a long time. It was strange to hear it even in her mind.

Her vision grew cloudy, and she gritted her teeth, tipping her head up to the sky, trying to make her stupid tears flow back into her eyes. She could picture his face in that last moment when they just stood there, looking at each other. And knowing then that she'd never be with him again, she'd stared into his eyes and wanted...

She'd wanted him to kiss her.

It didn't matter that he was human. She'd wanted him to touch her hand and pull her forward and lean down and just...

"Damn it."

Rukia whipped her head around, stopping in the middle of the road. That voice hadn't been hers, but it was so familiar, it was like a stab in the chest.

She looked at the house in front of her, realizing where her feet had taken her without her permission, and then she jumped up onto the sill of the open window that the voice had come out of, barely allowing herself to breathe.

There he was, sitting so close on his bed, his back to her. She wanted to reach out so badly and touch the curve of his spine and pull on his hair. It didn't make sense. Why was she remembering now that in that last moment he had leaned forward slightly towards her, something changing in his eyes? Why did she remember only now that he had tried to kiss her?

"Rukia?"

Rukia froze at the sound of her name from his lips. Had he sensed her? If he turned right now, would he see her sitting here on his window?

"I'm here, Ichigo!"

But a minute passed, and he didn't move. It crashed down on her like a tidal wave and she pushed off the windowsill, falling to the ground, unable to look at him anymore.

No.

He couldn't see her, or hear her, or feel her.

He was gone.


	3. Both

Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia.

Ages: a huge gap that still doesn't seem to matter.

Occupation: Alone

One can see ghosts.

One has shinigami powers

But they can't be together.

Rukia paced around the roof of the school, her feet worrying circles into the cement. Could she really do this? Could she really get through this?

But she had to try, didn't she? Even if he couldn't see her, there were things she needed to say to him. And if she was entirely honest with herself, she wanted the illusion that they could talk to each other again as if nothing had changed.

Clenching her fists, she turned and burst through the doors back into the school, searching for someone who could help her.

Ichigo was just leaving the classroom at the end of the day when Tatsuki ran up to him.

"Ichigo," she said bluntly, grabbing his arm. "I need to talk to you." He blinked, noticing that she had an odd expression on her face, her eyebrows pinched and her mouth screwed up as though something was bothering her. Knowing Tatsuki, it had to be something important.

"Sure," he said, following her.

She lead him up the staircases and out onto the roof, a stream of wind just grazing across his face as the doors opened. He wandered out to the middle, hands in his pockets, looking up at the wide expanse of blue above him.

"What is it, Tatsuki?" he asked, turning to face her.

She clenched her fist briefly, but then gestured vaguely behind him.

"I know you lost your powers," she began. "But this ghost came up to me and said she wanted to speak to you. I'm just here to translate."

Ichigo felt his shoulders slump slightly. Great. Another reminder of how much he had lost 17 months ago. But what dead person would want to talk to him anyway?

"Yeah, okay," he muttered, scratching at his head. "Who is this spirit?"

"She says her name...is Rukia."

Ichigo's head shot up and his mouth hung open for a second before he whirled around, staring behind him. Of course, he couldn't see anything there, and he swivelled back to Tatsuki again. Tatsuki had always been bad with names and faces, so it wouldn't be a surprise if she really had forgotten about her classmate from a year and a half ago, but it couldn't really be-

"Kuchiki Rukia?" he asked, his heart pounding in his throat.

Tatsuki tipped her head, as if listening to something, then nodded her head.

Something surged up in Ichigo's chest, but he pushed it down.

"Where is she?" he said, turning to look in the general direction where Tatsuki had gestured earlier.

"She's sitting in that corner, on the railing."

Ichigo fixed his eyes on the empty air above the railing, trying desperately to see something there. He could picture her sitting there, her legs not even touching the ground, just looking at him. He found himself walking forward, and he had to force himself not to reach out and test the blankness for some sort of form.

"What does she look like?" he said quietly.

"She's short, and she's wearing some black kimono thing. She's got a sword, her eyes are violet, and she's got short black hair with a piece falling in front of her face."

The image shot to the front of Ichigo's mind and he laughed, turning away from where she should have been, where he should have been able to see her, covering his face with a hand.

"Ha...it really is you, Rukia," he said. To Tatsuki, he asked, "Can you tell me what sort of face she's making right now?"

Tatsuki glanced over at the railing. "Can I tell him-?" She must've gotten an answer, because she looked back at Ichigo. "She's smiling, but she also sort of looks really sad, and she can't stop staring at you." He felt his chest constrict, but he couldn't bring himself to look back at the blank spot where Rukia was. Tatsuki flinched, and then yelled, "Well, you didn't tell me that I had to keep some things out of my description! That is what you look like!"

"As long as she doesn't kick me in the face again, it's fine," Ichigo said, grinning.

"She says that there's no point in kicking you when you can't even see her."

The humour faded from Ichigo's face and he turned, leaning against the railing and staring out over the town.

"Okay...She's asked me to translate directly for her," Tatsuki said after a minute of silence. "Whatever I say is exactly what she said to me."

"Yeah, whatever," Ichigo replied, watching the wind rustle the trees down below him. This didn't feel real to him.

"Hi, Ichigo. It's been a while."

Ichigo smirked. "Been a while, Rukia? It's been a year and a half."

"I'm sorry I didn't come to check up on you before now."

"Check up on me? What am I, a kid?"

"No. But knowing you, you could have done a lot of stupid things while I was gone, Ichigo."

Tatsuki's voice seemed to fade, and Ichigo swore he could hear Rukia saying the words. It was funny how after all this time, he still knew exactly what her voice sounded like, especially when it was saying his name.

"That's my line," he muttered. "How's Renji? And Matsumoto and Hanatarou and..." His voice trailed off. There were too many people he wanted to ask about.

"They're all fine," she responded. "They've been worried about you too, so now I can tell them that you're doing okay."

"Okay wouldn't be the word I'd use," Ichigo responded. His hands curled into fists around the railing and he felt his arms tense. "Rukia..."

"Do you miss me?"

He started in surprise. "Why would you suddenly ask something like that?"

"I don't know. Maybe...because you can't see my face right now."

The sun behind the clouds was letting off a sort of golden light, washing over them all and touching upon Ichigo's face like a hand.

"I miss you," he said shortly.

"I miss you too. It's not the same when you have no idea I'm here."

Ichigo shoved a hand through his hair, his fingers digging into his skull. His throat felt thick and he couldn't seem to figure out what it was he was feeling. Completely forgetting that Tatsuki was there, completely forgetting everything but Rukia, he spoke.

"I'm going to find out how to see you again." His voice was low. "And the next time we say goodbye, it won't be forever, it'll be with the promise that we'll see each other again." He hesitated, but forged on. "At the end, I wanted to-"

"I wanted you to."

The unspoken thing they were both referring to hovered in the air between them.

"Next time, I won't just try," he said. "I'll succeed."

"Then you better find out how to see me again."

"I'm going to."

Rukia stared at him, watching the breeze sweep through his bright orange hair. His gaze was fixed, looking out over the buildings below. She wanted him to glance over at her and meet her eyes, but she knew that was impossible.

"Tatsuki," she said quietly. "Can you please tell him that I left?"

The other girl opened her mouth in confusion, then closed it again.

"There's just some things I have to say to him," Rukia said.

Understanding filled Tatsuki's eyes, and she relayed Rukia's message to Ichigo.

The boy didn't even seem surprised. He dipped his head, his hair falling in front of his eyes, and said, "I'm just going to stay up here a little longer."

Tatsuki nodded and turned to go, glancing over at Rukia, who hadn't moved. Just as she opened the door to the school, Ichigo spoke again.

"Thanks, Tatsuki."

"No problem, Ichigo," she replied. Then she pulled the door shut behind her, leaving Rukia and Ichigo alone.

"I know you can't hear me, Ichigo," Rukia said softly. "But I need to say this anyway." She took a deep breath, feeling the distance between them bite into her like a shard of glass. Confessions were hard, even when the other person couldn't hear you.

"The reason I stayed away was because I was scared. I was scared of the thought that you were gone. Heck, the reason I came here without a gigai is because I'm still scared. Because it would make this harder. See, when I met you, I didn't even know what I was doing. I was an empty person, just filled with guilt and regret. But then you changed that. You changed me."

"I think I might have...accidentally fallen in love with you."

She swung her legs over to the other side of the railing and stepped off into empty space. walking slowly on thin air to stand in front of Ichigo, who was still leaning against the railing. As slowly as she could, she moved in closer to him. One hand reached out to touch the edge of his face, so lightly it could have just been the wind. Then she leaned forward, closing her eyes, and brushed her lips against his, just once, like a ghost.

Rukia pulled back and sprang over the railing, walking hurriedly across the cement towards the door, when suddenly she was stopped by a voice.

"I felt that."

She whirled around and stared at Ichigo as he straightened up, turning to sweep his gaze across the roof.

"I know you're still here, Rukia. Damn it, I felt that. Don't try to pretend that you're not here."

He hunched his shoulders in frustration, then closed his eyes and held out his left hand.

Ichigo didn't know how long he would have stood there with his hand out, hoping, but it was only a minute before he felt a small hand slip into his own. He tightened his grip around it and pulled her closer, keeping his eyes shut tight. He didn't want to open them and see her not there. He wanted to keep the illusion of her being there in reality.

He trailed his right hand up her arm, clumsily feeling his way. His fingers moved across her shoulder, then up her neck and onto her face, carefully stroking across her warm skin. His thumb grazed over her bottom lip and he felt her shiver under his hand.

How was it that 17 months later he still hadn't moved on from this girl? How was it that he still-

He tipped her head back gently and lowered his face to hers, fast, before either of them could change their minds. At first he missed, his lips landing only on the the corner of hers, but she moved into him and they found each other. He tried to kiss her slowly, but all thoughts flew out the window and he tugged her against him, burying one hand in her hair and slanting his mouth against hers. God, she felt good in his arms, and she tasted better than he ever could have imagined.

Rukia's arms moved without her permission, winding around his neck and pulling him to her with a sort of desperation she hadn't even known she was capable of. She felt his teeth against her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. Heat was spreading through her entire body and any reservations she might still have had seemed to melt away against the force of the sudden want she felt. They weren't a shinigmai and a human anymore, they were just two people, burning together.

Suddenly Ichigo released her, stumbling back a few steps, only holding on to her wrist to keep a tiny bit of contact. Rukia struggled for breath, staring at him, at his face, at his lips that had just been on hers, and his eyes, still shut tight.

"If we were smart," he began, his voice ragged. "We would not have waited until we were separated to realize this." His thumb stroked over her wrist in circles. "I'm sorry I took you for granted."

"I don't think it anymore," Rukia mumbled, knowing that he couldn't hear her. "I know I love you."

"So that's why I'm not saying goodbye," Ichigo said. He dropped her wrist, and backed away. "When I open my eyes, you'll be gone, and that's fine. Because I'm going to get my powers back, and I'm going to come and find you. The next time I touch you, I'll be able to see you."

Rukia smiled, the biggest genuine smile she'd had in a long time. That was what she loved about Ichigo: the way he never said "I'll try". He always said, "I will"

"I'll see you then," she said. She turned around and ran away, hopping over across the rooftops. She trusted him. She believed in him. He'd find her. If it was Ichigo, he could do it.

Ichigo opened his eyes to the wide, silent emptiness of the roof, and grinned. He knew she had been real because he could still feel the pressure of her lips on his and the warmth of her body. That memory would keep him going for a long time.

"Don't you miss her?"

"Of course not."

Ha.

He didn't need to miss her, because he was going to find her again, and tell her the truth.

"I love you."


End file.
